DrinkSmokeGolf

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DrinkSmokeGolf last won the day on May 8 2015

DrinkSmokeGolf had the most liked content!

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About DrinkSmokeGolf

  • Rank
    Site Founder
  • Birthday 12/30/1976

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  • Website URL
    http://canadacigarforum.com
  • Skype
    waylman

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Golf, music, beer, wine & cooking.

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  1. Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get it? Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy. The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers. 'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
  2. 3lb tomahawk this evening. Wonderful!
  3. There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me". He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could satisfy herself. He looks around but finds nothing. The cashier comes to him and asks him what he wants, to which the man tells him his problem. "I have a special toy just for you" the cashier tells the man. They both go to the back room and the cashier pulls out a black velvet box. He opens it and there's a golden dildo inside it. "What's so special about this?" asks the man. "Check this out" replies the cashier and says "Voodoo Dildo, the door". The golden dildo rises from its black velvet box and starts furiously humping the door till it breaks. The cashier then says "Voodoo Dildo, the box" and the golden dildo flies back into the box and he closes it. The man thoroughly impressed buys it and goes to his girlfriend. He says "Honey, I'm going away for 3 weeks for work. If you ever feel horny, just open this box and say these words that I've written down". A couple of weeks pass and the girlfriend gets really horny. She suddenly remembers what her boyfriend and told her. So she goes to the drawer and opens the black velvet box and reads out the following phrase "Voodoo Dildo, my vagina". The golden dildo rises from the box and starts humping her. After a while, having had a few orgasms, she's tired and wants to sleep. She tries to pull it out but she's not able to. She then realizes that her boyfriend hadn't told her the words to stop it. So, she decides to go to the hospital and get it surgically removed. She somehow wears her gown and gets to her car. Obviously in a state of panic, arousal and pain, she's unable to drive the car properly and starts swerving. Seeing a reckless driver, a police officer soon catches up to her and makes her stop. As he comes to the window he sees this woman who's sweating and panting and there's water everywhere. "Are you drunk?" asks the officer. "No no officer, I'm perfectly sober" replies the woman. "Then what's the problem ma'am?" asks the officer. The woman embarrassedly tells him "I have a Voodoo Dildo stuck inside me. I'm going to the hospital to get it surgically removed". "Yeah right" replies the officer, not believing a word, "Voodoo Dildo my ass"
  4. I need to buy 50 hats to make it cost effective. Unfortunately, there was not enough interest. We only had 20 or so interested. @bikermarc @holidaynation
  5. Two midgets walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms. Unfortunately the first midget couldn't get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long. In the morning the second midget asks the first, “How was your night?” “It was so embarrassing. I couldn’t get it up no matter how hard I tried.” The second midget shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t even get on the fucking bed.”
  6. A 3 year old boy examined his testicles in the bath. “Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?" “Not yet” she replied.
  7. Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there. A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go." The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that." The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"
  8. Just type in the tracking number man!
  9. Welcome. Where in BC are ya?
  10. A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks. “Now what?”, responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!”
  11. I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend. I said, “What’s going on?” “You tell me?” replied my wife. I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.” “A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!” I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”
  12. My favorite sex position is called WOW. It's where I flip your MOM over.